One of the biggest mistakes new writers make, and how to avoid it.
I’m going to hold your hand when I say this (so you know I’m saying it with love) but STAAAHP eating thesauruses and puking them out onto paper. Stop it.
And before you get mad and start typing up those incredibly eloquent responses… calm down. This is to help you. And if you don’t want it, you don’t have to take it. We respect everyone’s boundaries here.
As a beta and arc reader I am sent books from authors wanting my opinion (some just want praise, but TOO BAD, I’m a prick), and over the last couple of years or so, I’m starting to see a pattern. Not a good one. With the recent rise and success of self-publishing (the success part mostly being uncle Jeff’s profit margins), anyone and their mums can write and publish a book with not too much effort (and with gen ai, you don’t even need to type. What a world we live in). This, in my opinion, is a good thing. Not the ai part. The freedom to self-publish part. Creativity should not be gate-kept, and I’ll stand by that statement, even if I also believe that some things should remain as inside thoughts or kept on AO3.
We don’t tell artists that they’re not artists just because their work isn’t in a physical gallery, so why do we keep shoving the mentality down everyone’s throats that you’re only an author if a traditional publishing house bought the rights to your book? Just look at furry smut artists. I know those guys are making bank. They’re still artists. Even if you don’t like it.
The downside, is that with the lowering of the gates comes a tide. Just as furry smut artists are still artists, any mediocre white dude who wants to jizz up a wall can call it art if he’s bold enough, and unfortunately I know a few circles who would eat that shit up. Not literally. Actually… Let’s not think about that.
Anyone can publish whatever they spew onto a page and call it a book. This is the cost of freedom, people. It’s a wild west out there. I’m not going discuss the quality of trad publishing taking a dive because yay capitalism, yay gen ai stealing our editing jobs, or say without a doubt that all self published books are terrible.
They’re not. Mine exists.
Let’s get back to the problem. Much like a weary teacher of gen alpha students, my advice to authors seems to be increasingly falling on deaf ears (if I don’t get messages hurling abuse at me). How dare I question their genius. They’ve done their ten thousand hours, damnit, so what do I know – I’m just a filthy, lowly reader. All that time I spent studying English Language & Literature at college means NOTHING.
The Problem
Short story for context: I recently received an arc of a book from an American writer who’d based their story in 20th century England. Admittedly I am a little more lenient with people who don’t live here, as they might have an idea of the UK that’s purely media informed, and therefore not accurate. It’s not actually Bridgerton over here, chaps. Even with that in mind, from the first page I was horrified. The main character spoke in such a strange, formal manner that I was immediately pulled out of the story. Side characters were also just as formal, using words that no one in their right mind would use unless they were giving an academic talk on the creation and development of the thesaurus.
“But I’m writing from another time!” – Sir, you are writing from the 90s.
We don’t talk like that. Nobody talks like that. We haven’t spoken like that since the Victorian era (arguably we didn’t speak like that in the Victorian era either), and unless your book is a historical drama akin to Jane Eyre, I do not want to see the Queen’s English appear on the page (Yes I know we have a King now, I don’t care).
You know why Colleen Hoover books sell so well? Because they use informal, every day language, and the masses relate to them. I’m not sure what that says about the masses, but there we go. And you know what? I enjoyed Verity, actually. There. I said it. I’m only using Hoover as a mainstream example here because A) her name is instantly recognisable and B) her writing style is very easy on the ol’ eyes. Of course, there are many authors who use poetic, achingly beautiful prose who are masters of their craft and bestselling authors. Brandon Sanderson is now a household name for fantasy writing, and I don’t have to pause every 30 minutes to look up a word that I’ve never seen before.
The point is that most of us plebs who read for entertainment don’t want to feel like we’re being beaten around the head by a thesaurus, and your job as a writer is to communicate clearly and effectively.
Anyway.
One of the biggest, hugest mistakes I see made by newer writers (I’ve also been guilty of it in my youth) is the use of overly formal language, with as many big words thrown in as humanly possible. Quite often it’s done to make the author appear more intelligent. I’m not sure where this behaviour stems from, perhaps from a fear of the writing coming across as YA (the horror), or maybe it’s to appease pseudo-intellectualist elitists who like to shit on any genre that isn’t the ‘modern classics’. Yes, yes, we’ve all read Animal Farm.
You don’t get brownie points for suffering, and you don’t get brownie points for weaponizing language. Not to sound like a very uncool school teacher, but it’s not big or clever. It just makes you look like this dude.
It’s like that one guy who works in a vinyl music shop, who hates anything popular regardless of whether or not it’s actually good. He’s the kind of guy who hates on K-pop Demon Hunters just because everyone else loves it. Or the “I’m not like other girls” girl who pretends to enjoy what she thinks is ‘high intellect hobbies’ for male validation because she has no sense of self, and would absolutely steal your man if she could. There is no greater anime villain. Besides Griffith, maybe.
So how do I avoid it?
Step 1: as with many things in life, the first step is to admit there’s a problem. Most newer writers who are very excited about their precious baby, do not want to hear bad things about it. Any form of criticism can feel like a personal attack, often because a certain amount of vulnerability comes with any creative output. I get it. I’m very sensitive about sharing my drawings, or my poetry in fear that someone will call it shit. But that’s the thing. I’m not trying to sell my poems or drawings to an audience. Those are mine. They are art, and can’t be judged unless I make them a product or offer them to the world.
Your novel that you want to sell to people, is a product. Like it or not. And you can absolutely say “well if they don’t like it they don’t have to buy it” and that’s fine… but you need to also be prepared emotionally when people don’t recognise you as the next Shakespeare and write reviews that reflect their customer experience.
Step 2: touch grass. I mean it. Go outside, sit in a park somewhere, or a bus, or a café, and just listen to people talking. Actually listen to how they talk. How people use slang depending where they are. How people out in the wild don’t adhere to hierarchy in the same way they would in a commercial or professional setting. How they talk to their children versus another adult. Does the server use a customer service voice then switch it up when talking to their co-worker? How do lovers talk to each other?
Most people have a limited vocabulary, especially in every day settings. I’m not going to say mastication when I mean eating. Think about how you talk to people on a daily basis. You need to converse. Or at least, consume enough examples of conversation to understand how it works. Most people can do this naturally (I say most – neurodivergent people may need to practice more than someone who is neurotypical).
Just as you wouldn’t want to be using gen Z slang in a historical drama (unless you’re deliberately subverting the genre, then by all means, go off, queen), you don’t want the Queen’s English featuring heavily in a modern, ordinary people setting.
While I’m at it – generations also speak differently and I see this happening with a lot of Gen X or Boomer writers who keep using their slang/speech for characters much younger than them. Heck, I even see it with Millennial writers.
Step 3: Really consider the type of media you are ingesting on a regular basis and understand the tropes/beats/prose that comes with it. If you want to write a gothic thriller, but you only read cosy romance, you’re going to have to consider what tropes are expected and acceptable in each genre, especially when it comes to prose. That’s not to say you can’t mix it up, but you have to understand the rules first in order to break them effectively.
What makes the Godfather so beloved? Why is Heat such a great freaking movie? Why is Bridesmaids so funny that one might pee a little every time they watch it? Why do we all love Chit??? Because of the way language is used to convey character and tone. If you want to write realistic, nuanced human beings who think and feel and get into hilarious shenanigans, you need it to reflect in the character’s voice and in the language you use.
A main character who speaks in nothing but riddles isn’t (typically) going to hook your readers.
Obviously I sent my feedback to the author and in the politest way I could suggested they consider a little more re-writing and editing before publishing, but I doubt they will. I always want to say to these authors to work on their craft first, then start looking at book publishing, but I can’t tell people how to live their lives. I can’t police someone’s creative journey (and rightfully so). I can only give my humble opinion on what I think is ‘good’ and even that’s going to look different to someone else. Who do I think I am, a literary agent???
Hopefully one day this author will naturally learn to move away from the stiff, overly formal writing that screams of a thesaurus being tortured for state secrets. Maybe one day I’ll stop being so judgy. One day.
TLDR: if you’re a new writer, try not to get bogged down in using big, fancy words and steer more towards natural dialogue. Study people in their natural settings and try using this as a reference for natural conversation and use of language. Consider what genres of media you consume and try to apply it to what you write.
What are your thoughts on this? Is it a worsening problem or am I just in a bubble? Am I the boomer in this situation, shaking my stick at the kids like an old man, accusing them of ruining writing with their tiktoks and their dark romance? Or is this just another rite of passage for new writers, that we all have to get through this phase before we learn better? Let me know!
Jesse B Writes 